Don't Listen To The Plastic Trees

Magic is More Than Just a Spectator Sport

Photo by Will Wright on Unsplash

As a child one of my earliest memories is going to a shopping mall on the wind up to Christmas and encountering a talking plastic tree. I couldn’t tell where the voice was coming from so I walked around the back and discovered the outline of a hatch. I grabbed something that looked like a handle and swung it open, revealing a teenager inside who shouted at me to close the door and get lost!

For me this was a huge revelation. I had accidentally discovered that the rules we were all supposed to play by were rigged, and that people willingly participated in illusions that were obviously designed to get them to spend more money at the mall. Adults were constantly having their intelligence insulted, but their consumerist conditioning won’t allow them to question it. After that the realization the revelations about Santa Claus and the tooth fairy didn’t hit quite as hard. I had already started to check out of the system.

As I got older my search to find out about the hidden nature of reality intensified. I took apart my radio trying to figure out what the parts did. One of the proudest moments in my youth was putting together a remote controlled car from a kit. I still remember the excitement when I hooked up the last servo and the wheels took off giving me a nasty abrasion on my leg. The sense of accomplishment outweighed the pain by orders of magnitude. Later on came bikes, surfboards, cars, and computers. Pretty much everything I own has been modified in some way, and it doesn’t feel like something truly belongs to me until I’ve tinkered with the guts somehow.

After 2001 that fascination with grand illusions vs. actual working models also led me to the hidden corners of the internet. Around 2006 there started to be a lot of chatter from the “conspiracy theorists” and peak oil community about a devastating market crash, and when 2008 rolled around suddenly it was like looking through a hole in the Christmas tree all over again.

I started studying as much as I could from various sources, trying to get a working model of the world and figure out where the voice was coming from this time. Eventually I wound up on the Archdruid Report, and although initially not taking the Druidiry part seriously it was clear that John Michael Greer had access to the most realistic model I had ever seen and I absolutely had to know more about the process that produced it.

Gradually I fell down the Well of the Galabes, picked up a few occult books, started scrying and a daily meditation practice, and suddenly a lot of my problems weren’t as big a deal any more. The effort I put into these seemingly ridiculous exercises actually had an impact that was not only tangible, but ended up completely changed the course of my life.

So here we are creeping up on 10 years of occult study and if feels like the person I used to be was from a completely different lifetime. I’m still struggling with the archons, but at least I have a word for stuff like that and some helpful formulas for picking my way out of the briar patch. Plenty of challenges still lay ahead and I often feel like someone who got halfway through a correspondence course who is trying to strike up a conversation with a group of elite PhDs. The good news is the goal posts in front of me are starting to get clearer, like the glimpses of other realities I get from time to time when I remember to look. Imagination is highly underrated, and someone who can harness it’s potential has an incredible resource on their hands.

But those hands had better be clean, and there awaits my next challenge.

You see, I wasn’t exactly raised in a house where cleanliness was a high priority. We had a basic standard of scramble-before-the-guests-come-over but other than that things were pretty disorganized. That may work for some purposes, but the vast majority of magic traditions are all very clear on the subject. A dirty environment is dangerous for practicing magic.

It wasn’t surprising to learn that fact. I had been playing around with I Ching practices since I was in my 20s after discovering that moving my desk so that people can’t walk up and surprise was actually quite helpful for someone who struggles with concentration, and rounding the corners of the poison arrows in my bedroom resulted in much less injury and illness.

The most important lesson of the I Ching is how clutter blocks the flow of energy, and that’s been the most difficult for me to come to terms with. They say a messy desk means you must be super smart, right? Turns out that working in a cluttered environment takes way more effort than a clean, organized, and friendly space. The latter is like a breath of fresh air, while the former is a labored gasp while you reach for your inhaler. Now where did that inhaler go? It must be here somewhere…

The time has finally arrived where I need to do some more serious work, and there’s no use putting it off any longer. My environment in it’s current state simply isn’t going to support that level of ambition, and my cute little spider friends will have to find another place to build their webs.

The unmistakable perfume of synchronicity filled the room when I heard about fellow Ecosophian Kimberly Steele asking for pledges from people who will commit to the daily cleaning of their toilets for the next six months.

Japanese toilet gods aside, I love this idea. First off, if you commit to cleaning the nastiest place in your house every day then the rest of your environment is going to look like a cake walk in comparison. Secondly it’s a major factor in having your guests feel welcome and relaxed when the come over for a visit. Third is that it’s a tremendous opportunity to train the Will doing something for a seemingly ridiculous reason but is ultimately quite practical.

They say in magic the Will is everything, and there’s only one way to make it stronger. We have to work it out the same way that we develop muscles, and that requires a daily exercise routine. Do something ridiculous every day with full commitment. The more enthusiastically you embrace your chosen action the more efficient your workouts will become. When you think about it physical weight training also seems like a silly idea on the surface, that is until you see the results. Training the Will gets you the same sort of gains that are incredibly useful for daily life, but indispensable when it comes to magical operations. Like a scrawny necked tourist wandering cluelessly into a set of waves at Sandy Beach, the magical world will put you in the back of an ambulance if you aren’t prepared.

That said there’s no law that requires you to push things to the limit and get it all done in one incarnation. Maybe rebuilding engines isn’t your thing, but anyone can learn how to change their oil in order to save a little money and gain some satisfaction knowing the job was done right. Same thing goes for magic. Anyone can enjoy the benefits without becoming an expert. All it takes is stepping outside of your comfort zone and doing the experiments that will let you see for yourself.

So with that I’ll invite everyone to join me on the Summer Solstice ‘23 Toilet Bowl Challenge. Let’s tune out the talking plastic trees and see if we can get an upgrade by embracing Universal Law. There’s nothing quite like a low risk endeavor with a high chance of success to kick off the mid-year!

Lawe i ka ma`alea a ku`ono`ono.